Project 52, Week 1: Sacrificing for Salvation

I’d like to start off the year, and my first post to Project 52, with a song summing up my first week of 2012 (to be sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things” from the World War II drama/musical The Sound of Music):

Nuts in my yogurt,
Smoked salmon and pickles.
A mug of hot chocolate,
Or coffee, I’m not fickle.
Bananas in my cereal,
And my heart really sings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the tenant’s dog barks,
When the kids scream,
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply have a beer or some wine,
And then I don’t feel…so bad.

After experiencing my fifth lifetime concussion in December and suffering migraines since puberty, I figured it was finally time to get the old noggin checked out by a certified professional. A very thorough Frenchman, the doctor put me through a battery of tests, including touching my fingers to my nose (I failed) and walking heel to toe (another failure). He also confirmed my extreme sensitivity to light and sound, joking: “It’s a wonder you don’t always walk around with sunglasses and cotton in your ears.” Good one Jacques.

After the CT scan and MRI came back “normal”, I underwent some other tests resembling electric shock treatment and acupuncture. With the exception of a pinched nerve in my neck (awesome), everything else was fine.

Finally, he asked me if I had ever tried the “Migraine Diet”.  Sounds fun. I was interested.  He tore of a sheet from his prescription pad, handed me one of the pens I was planning to steal anyway from his office (they write so smoothly!) and told me to write down the food and drinks mentioned above in my rendition of “My Favorite Things”. These foods and drinks, he stated, are proven to be the biggest triggers for migraines. He said to abstain from these delightful delicacies  for 8 weeks and I should see a noticeable difference in my headaches. I might see a difference in my headaches, but I will definitely see a difference in my sanity!

Well, what a way to kick off the new year. Deprivation. Eight weeks of deprivation. None of these foods for eight weeks: pickles, nuts, chocolate, yogurt, bananas, cured meat or fish, smoked salmon, wine/beer, limit of one cup of coffee or tea a day, soda.

After hearing this list of foods, my husband’s co-worker justifiably asked, “Is this doctor an anti-semite?”

Seriously! All that list needs is matzoh and kugel and something would be very gefilte fishy.

No pickles?! WHAT?! If I were stranded on a desert island or in the middle of Siberia or in my kitchen with nothing else to eat, I would be perfectly content with a lifetime supply of pickles. Sour, half-sour, bread and butter chips…I love them all. I have fond memories of walking hand-in-hand with my mom around the Roosevelt Field outdoor flea market, anxiously awaiting the end of aisle one where the hugemungous pickle barrels lived. We’d take turns crunching into a juicy pickle bigger than my face. Those days are no more. Well, I still hold my mom’s hand from time to time, but the flea market is gone and now so is my ability to enjoy a delicious pickle.

Smoked salmon, another favorite of members of my tribe, is banned as well. Lox, as we like to call it, was a staple in the Goldberg home for Sunday breakfasts, along with a couple dozen hot-out-of-the-oven bagels, white fish, tubs of cream cheese, thick tomato slices and coffee.

COFFEE! I’m limited to one cup. Isn’t he trying to eliminate my headaches and not add to them?

Wine and beer will also be a bit tough. Since meeting my husband, my drinking habits have become more, um, well rounded (read: frequent). We enjoy a nice bottle glass of wine with dinner or a beer with lunch on the weekends or a Bloody Mary during Sunday brunch or…well, I think you get the idea.

My students are not the only ones who lose steam and energy at around 10:30. While they snack on Goldfish and Pirate Booty, my snack choice is either yogurt and a banana or a handful of nuts. I will have to find something else to quell my aching hunger mid-morning. Without my refueling, I’ll go bananas! Or nuts! Both banned!

Luckily, I don’t have a sweet tooth, so I won’t miss chocolate. I was never really a fan of soda (it makes my teeth feel slimy), so that won’t be difficult either.

So my adventure begins. As if my diet is not limited enough by living a wheat-less existance, I am now temporarily (or perhaps permanently) eliminating many of the remaining foods I love. This is going to be rough. But if this is a permanent solution to the elimination of mind blowing, debilitating migraines, I’m willing to sacrifice for salvation. Stay tuned!

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